AP-APNewsAlert- (Blacksburg)
I clicked on the header. It read:
(Blacksburg) -- Shooting at Virginia Tech dormitory...developing...
Given the location and my close emotional ties to the school, I perked up. I was not particularly worried, though. Hey, it's a big campus. These things unfortunately happen. I figured a couple of guys had gotten into it and someone fired a shot or two. The next update came minutes later.
(Blacksburg) -- Shooting at Virginia Tech dormitory...West Ambler Johnston...two fatalities confirmed...developing...
Well this upped the ante. My News Director's brain kicked in. "O-K. Maybe I'll run a state story during my midday news. About thirty minutes later, the ante was upped again.
(Blacksburg) -- Multiple shots fired inside Norris Hall Virginia Tech ...developing..."What the hell is this, I wondered." Did AP screw up the earlier story? Did they have the location wrong? The stories I was working on concerning two large trees falling in the downtown area during heavy winds got pushed to the back burner. It was forgotten completely after the next AP Alert.
(Blacksburg) -- Multiple fatalities confirmed inside Norris Hall, Virginia Tech campus locked down...shooter unknown...developing...
What followed seemed like a blur. I continued tracking AP and giving live updates on both stations. By noon, we knew this was catastrophic.
It didn't hit me until early afternoon what had happened. Until then, I had kept my professional veneer and reported the facts as they came in---gruesome as they were. It wasn't until I got a little down time and happened to glance at FOX News that it hit me. Seeing those familiar-looking buildings, juxtaposed against the backdrop of the kind of coverage reserved only for events like 9-11 hit me like a ton of bricks. This was MY school! I lived a couple hundred yards from Norris Hall! I had several classes there! Was I ever in the upper floor? I couldn't remember.
After having done news for 20 years you learn to keep stories at arms length. Many of the stories we tackle have strong emotions attached to them, and you would quickly become overwhelmed if you got too involved. I thought I was tough. I thought I could handle anything in a news context. I was wrong.
After about 15-to-20 minutes of watching national TV coverage, I had to go out into the hallway and do something I hadn't done in years. I cried. (only briefly, though---gotta maintain my man-cred).
The days that followed produced a full range of emotions. There was the obvious sadness. There was white-hot anger at the shooter, which quickly evolved into utter indifference. I have yet to get to "forgiveness," but I'm working on it. It also produced immense pride at MY university! What a response from staff and students alike! I'd like to think only Tech could have handled such a situation so well. I pray that we never have to find out.
Other emotions have intermingled in the intervening two years. Disappointment at the family members of some of the victims and survivors who seem hell-bent on blaming everything on the school, and not the gunman. I've also been enraged at those who have used the massacre as a front for their anti-gun agenda. My anger includes NBC for airing the footage sent to them by the shooter. Also, the mindless bimbo posing as a reporter at one of the press conferences who chastised President Steger and Chief Flinchum for not "showing more emotion."
But mostly, I'm bursting with pride today at MY school! It's said that it takes our worst to bring out our best. We certainly saw the worst humanity has to offer on 4-16-07, but we also saw us at our best. God Bless all Virginia Tech Hokies everywhere today! Those with and without diplomas. Ut Prosim!!!
Ut Prosim, indeed. There is a lot to be proud of--Hokie spirit rising liking a phoenix, to be cliched. Wasn't it strange how long it took the reality to descend upon us all? For me, it was being at home that afternoon after the university was closed and seeing the Drillfield on CNN. Surreal.
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