Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Guns in Tennessee??

The Tennessee state legislature is looking at a proposal that would allow college students and faculty members to legally carry weapons on campus. Not that most folks in Tennessee have a problem with packin', but University folk are a decidedly different breed.

Of course, we're nearing the two-year anniversary of the mass shootings at Virginia Tech, a subject near and dear to my heart.

State Rep. Stacey Campfield's bill would allow any full-time faculty and staff with a valid permit to bring a handgun onto their public college campus. The Knoxville Republican says banning guns on campuses isn't banning criminals, only preventing "people from being able to defend themselves."

No one wants to talk about it, but I will. What if someone other than Cho in the second floor of Norris Hall had a gun on April 16, 2007? Opponents argue "he still would have killed a lot of people." Well, is a body count of 20 better than 33?

It's no coincidence that in a similar incident earlier this decade at the Appalachian School of Law in southwest Virginia, two students who had shotguns in their trucks went to retrieve their weapons after a gunman began shooting people. They used the guns to hold the shooter at bay until police arrived. He killed two people. How many would have died had not these "good ol' boys" brought their guns with them---in a blatant violation of the school's "zero-tolerance gun policy," I might add.

Think about it, folks. If we are to believe the liberal's view of guns, it is simply their availability that is a precursor to violence. If so, why are we not hearing stories every day about mass shootings at gun shows, where weapons are readily available? Wanna know why? Because even the most deranged gunman knows that if he gets trigger happy at a gun show, there are more than a few law-abiding citizens that will fill him full of holes.

If you're looking to kill as many people as possible, where would you rather be---at a gun show, or at a place that prohibits guns? Think, folks, think! To put it another way, if you're looking for the best steak in town do you go to a restaurant that has "GO VEGAN" in neon lights, or one that has steer horns mounted above it's entrance?

I realize that's a crass way to look at this. So, sue me.

As we get closer to the two-year anniversary of the Tech shootings, alums like me will deal with a lot of thoughts and feelings. If the tragedy underscores the right we have as private citizens to take reasonable measures to protect ourselves, then maybe all was not in vain. That's a helluva price to pay, though.

Friday, March 27, 2009

Lights out!

This weekend brings with it more than just crappy weather to the Danville area. It also brings what I'm told is the second-annual "Earth Hour." Our friends at Associated Press tell us that the Eiffel Tower, The Acropolis, even the Great Pyramids will lower their lights for an hour tomorrow. The goal, ostensibly, is to raise awareness of Global Warming. What mood lighting has to do with the core temperature of the Earth escapes me, but I'll play along.

For those of you who attend the "Church of Global Warming," this has to be a panacea. The Perfect "style-over-substance" event that has drawn participation from a reported 84 countries! Well, you can't say the Global Warming Alarmists can't get the word out!

Here's my take. I am a left-brained guy. I have seen enough evidence on both sides of the global warming debate to ascertain that no one knows for sure what the hell is going on. As for my personal belief---let's just say I would be willing to lend an ear to the Global Warming crowd, if every proposed solution to the alleged problem wasn't something that would hamstring American capitalism. The Obama administration is already doing a bang-up job on that front.

Folks, the earth's temperature has warmed and cooled for nigh on five billion years now! That's long before Adam and Eve took an ill-advised bite of an apple. Does human activity have an impact on the environment? Yes. Much like pissing in the ocean causes water levels to rise.

This is going to come as blasphemy to environmentalists everywhere, but man's impact on the environment is negligible. Yea---I said it! Think of it like this. The 2004 Tsunami in southeast Asia produced energy equivalent to 165,000 hydrogen bombs! And that was nothing more than a geologic burp! Did the Earth die? No!

On Saturday, instead of stroking Mother Earth's breasts, I think I'll run through the house and replace every bulb with a 200-watt monster. All the better to watch the NCAA tournament with.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Bonzai!!

This year's World Baseball Classic will have a decided Oriental flavor as Japan and South Korea square off in the title game Monday night. They'll be handing out chopsticks at the turnstiles in Dodger Stadium before two teams from the Far East battle for supremacy in "America's Pastime."

This is not some bitter American moaning about our rank inability to accomplish jack-shit in any team sport, other than basketball. Quite the contrary, I LOVE watching the Asian teams play baseball. Their emphasis on pitching, speed, defense, bunting, and raw fundamentals is what Major League ball was like before someone named Babe Ruth showed everyone how to make a handsome living hitting the ball a country mile.

Something else about the Asian teams---you can count on one hand the number of players they have that weigh north of 200 pounds. No steroid-addled sluggers are to be found on either side. Could it be that it takes more than raw muscle to hit a baseball real, real far? This is one case where size does NOT matter. If it did, Tiger Woods would be a mild-mannered office temp, rather than hitting 350-yard drives long and straight.

Another thing to consider about the U.S.A.'s underwhelming performance in the two WBCs is that the concept hasn't exactly taken off here in the states. Be honest, how many of you even knew this was occurring? That's what I thought.

A quick glance at the stands of most any WBC game leads to a lovely view of thousands of empty seats. In the U.S. games, those seats that ARE occupied are usually done so by Japanese-Americans, Korean-Americans, Venezuelan-Americans, or Puerto Rican-Americans. The INS could likely meet their quota with a quick run through of PetCo Park during a Mexico-US game.

For the American TV viewer (i.e., where the money is) the WBC is hopelessly matched up against March Madness, despite honorable attempts to avoid direct scheduling conflicts. That, in turn, leads to odd start times and under-coverage. That's a recipe for disaster, ratings-wise.

The timing also sucks for the U.S. teams. At a time in spring training where pitchers are still limbering up their arms, they're asked to throw 100 competitive pitches against teams that have either already started their regular seasons, or are coming off two months of highly-competitive Winter League ball in Latin America.

Plus, there is the specter of baseball's declining popularity in America. This whole WBC concept was ginned up by Major League Baseball to spark domestic and international interest in the Grand Old Game. Baseball has been steadily declining on the American sports scene over the past 40 years---a gap that has been more-than-happily filled by the NFL and the NBA. It's great sin...baseball doesn't look good on TV.

As a baseball geek, I can't say I'm pleased---but as a realist, I can't say I'm surprised. As more and more American kids get soccer balls shoved in front of them, this trend will likely continue. American kids are less inclined to play a game where you can fail two-thirds of the time, and still be considered a spectacular success. A 67-percent failure rate is no way to attract modern-day kids.

Jeez, I'm sounding like a grumpy old man. GET OFF OF MY LAWN!!!

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Played by the play-in game

OK---someone has yet to adequately explain this to me. What exactly is the purpose of the NCAA's play-in game? I'm talking about that little game being played tonight in Dayton---the one that sticks out like an abscess when you look at the bracket.

Storied powerhouses Morehead State and Alabama State will battle tonight for the right to say "We're #64!" As has been the case since this abomination was conceived more than a decade ago, the play-in game will be played in Dayton, Ohio. Their Chamber of Commerce must be positively tingling. They have doubtless netted billions of tourism dollars over the years with their annual "Battle for #64" tilt. The winner's reward will be a righteous ass-kicking later this week at the hands of Louisville.

How disheartening it must be for these small conference teams to win their conference tourneys and qualify for the "Mini-Dance." Fans storm the court, players are carried off like conquering heroes, they gather Sunday for the tournament selection show. They watch in stunned silence as they're relegated to the NCAA's version of purgatory.

And to add a racial element to all of this, why is it that one or both teams in the play-in game are almost always a HBCU? (Historically Black College or University) Black men CAN jump, can't they? Talk about "Separate, but Equal!" Somewhere, Spike Lee has a hard-on.

And why only one play-in game. Why not four? Make all of the 16 seeds advance following a play-in game? That would give three more at-large teams a chance to enter the field. While we're at it, why not expand the field to 128? To 256? Hell, let EVERYBODY in. I'd pay good money to see the 1-versus-64 matchup in the first round as UNC beats the New Jersey Institute of Technology by 70.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Hoop dreams

Thus begins March Madness. No. I'm not talking about the crazy weather we get this time of year. It's my latest excuse to veg out in front of the TV, drink copious amounts of beer, and ignore my wife and kids for as long as I can get away with it.

The funny thing is, I'm not that big of a college basketball fan. Sure, it beats soccer, tennis, ping-pong, jai alai, lacrosse, and watching flies fornicate. And of course I would follow the Hokies if they were competing in Parcheesi. But I don't live and die by the regular season. The Tournaments (ACC and NCAA) are fun, though.

The big reason I don't follow the regular season is that it is essentially meaningless, unlike my beloved College Football. Hoops are tournament-oriented. The best teams can lay a few eggs during the regular season, mail in a game or two, come out flat on occasion, and still make the field of 64. For all of the excitement generated by Duke and UNC's two regular-season matchups, nothing more than bragging rights and tournament seedings are at stake.

Now when Florida and Georgia football meet in October, there's more on the line that just whose fans can get the drunkest and come up with the most creative conjugation of a filthy verb. Lose this one, and you're toast as far as a national title is concerned. Oh sure, the Citrus Bowl still has a handsome payout. But if a loss to your arch-rival prevents you from playing in the BCS championship game, you're looking for a bottle of sleeping pills and a pint of bourbon.

If Duke drops two regular-season hoops games to Carolina, they're pissed, but they know full well they'll have a shot again in the tournament, if they keep winning.

Long live College Football, and a regular season where the games actually mean something! That having been said, let's open some beer and watch some hoops!